and on that note

I got a netbook for yule. Since I am no longer stuck with Livejournal, I will probably not be updating here regularly. I had grander ideas when I opened this account, and now that I have the means, I am persuing them.

It's at

If you're interested, please, do follow me ;) Tell your friends?


I know I haven't been interesting enough to really accrue readers yet at this point. But happy holidays to those who are celebrating, or those who will be celebrating soon (at the time I am writing this, Hanukkah is on, but it'll probably be over by the time I post).

I celebrate a non-denominational, family-oriented Christmas with my extended family, but my husband and I both celebrate "yule." Our religions are similar in basic ways but different also; we can both agree on trees, gift-giving and celebrating the return of the sun on the winter solstice. I've prepared pine cones with peanut butter and bird seed (I was hesitant to do this because I heard birds had trouble digesting peanut butter; this apparently is a myth) to hang outside on trees, and I wanted to do popcorn and berries on thread but I'm not sure I will. I have wanted to "give" to the animal community for yule for a couple of years now, but this is the first year I've really been able to just do it. Last year, I was getting married. So there is that.

I'm also going to be preparing a brunch for some close friends, Kitten included. It's nice to be with her and Ark together again, though there is clearly a rift between them (they no longer play as they used to). At least they get along and both manage to be happy in the presence of the other, so I have faith that this will go well, like Thanksgiving. Also, there will be at least three other people there besides the three of us, maybe more, making it less stressful to me as far as divvying up my attention goes. Not that there will be too much time for romance, since I'll be in the kitchen cooking. Yep, I'm that kind of wife.

What's for brunch, you say? On the menu we have basics like eggs, bacon and sausage. Coffee and orange juice, as well as egg nog and some hot spiced wassail will be available. Maybe peach schnapps (fuzzy navel) and rum will be used for spiking. I'm also making sausage biscuits (little rolls of dough with ground sausage inside), monkeyball cake (buttery, brown sugary goodness), cheese danish, apple scones, and blueberry muffins. I may or may not add/delete things, but that's the plan for now. We'll eat and watch movies and hang food on the trees for the birds.

All I'm really missing is a huge bonfire, which I think might get me kicked out of the apartment complex, so let's not do that. Candles will work just fine.

What are you doing this year?

hi, I still exist

Quick update: Ark got a girlfriend. Was happy. I was happy too, because he is so damn cute when he's in love, and I get to appreciate it from a more objective position. He is definitely feeling better towards Kitten, but is not interested in having a relationship with her beyond friendship. We had Thanksgiving together, the three of us, and I couldn't help but imagine Ark's cute girl at the table with us. The four of us as a family made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, even if it was just in my brain.

But then she called it off. Ark's girl, I mean. There's a distance issue, and from what I understand without prying is that she doesn't feel like she'd be getting 100% from him. Ark understands but is hurt nonetheless. He loves totally and even though it was short-lived, he was happy texting with her and we were both excited for her to come visit us.

Though it did give him something else to think about: while being polyamorous gives us the opportunity to love more, it also opens us up for more heartbreak.

I'm working on a post for Life on the Swingset that's way, way overdue. And I want to write something dirty for you. Any suggestions?

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hot quickie

The trouble in Paradise seems to be over. Ark is happy/comfortable again and basically he said to me, "I've been so focused on me loving you and her loving you that I forgot how much you love me." So we're all happy and occasionally, tentatively, having "together time" where the three of us hang out. Just last Saturday, he suggested we three go out for breakfast. He was a complete turn-around, even hugging Kitten unprompted and apologizing for "being a dick".

So, right now I'm at Kitten's. Our sleep-over night has changed from Saturday to Wednesday due to changes in my work schedule. It's like 80 degrees outside, raining, and muggy as hell in her apartment since her complex controls the a/c and heating and the a/c has been shut off. I can't sleep, 'cause I'm too hot, so I'm holding out on the rain cooling things down.

Tomorrow, Kitten is coming home with me to eat dinner with us. On our adventure out of town, we visited family and they gave us some venison, so I'm making a roast and it is going to be delicious. Have I mentioned that I love to cook? Said roast is currently wrapped in country ham and peppered pork fat, and is marinating to perfection.

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How will you do it?
Heat me up with your kisses,
I feel, I'm slick,
I want you to feel,
I try making a deal;
Read me, feel me,
I'm burning up at the core.
Will you slide your hand down,
Let my fire burn
Around your cool fingertips?
Will you fill me up
Make me dance,
Grind, push.
Or will it be your tongue
On my lips?
Will my thighs hug your head
Hips rise from the bed
Maybe two at a time,
Your pleasure
And mine
If I come-hither you
With featherlight touches
As you crest
Might I crest and crash
Into you?
Perhaps as I hover
Above you
My fingers grip,
Knees slip,
As you run me over
The edge
At a high clip.
Or maybe slow,
So slow,
Take your time,
Easy go.
Touch me light,
Just right,
And keep me so near
Our breath
Is shared.
Will I feel your heart
Beating against
My chest?
I bet
You will bring me there,
And I tempt
My mind
With your attempt.

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"My love is not a pie."

Jealousy has been a part of our journey into a polyamorous lifestyle from the beginning. The evolution of it is most clearly described through Ark, who has been getting what I can only explain as the "raw end of the deal." He has not yet grasped compersion, so even now while things are getting easier for him to accept, he still has times where he gets jealous and grumpy.

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I'm writing an entry about jealousy... but it's taking a while to write. Jealousy still touches us and it's evolving every day, so getting a grip on this slippery beast is difficult, but I am analyzing and discussing and putting it down in words.

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follow your heart

something about love

What do we know of love? Humans break and abuse it. Find it. Lose it. We are making love and faking love, shaking it up and breaking it up. We surrender to love and fight once it has us. It's a drug, a poison, a passion, a pleasure. It makes us want, need, hunger, it fills us and empties us, we give give give we take take take.

Love which has no limits is forced to live in a little box built of our preconceptions.

There is truly something to be said about love. Love is like poison and anyone who knows me knows I have a thing for poison. This is not to say that love is bad. Like how a poison is sometimes also medicine, love can heal you or hurt you. Like a poisonous drug, love is highly addictive. When you have love, you can't imagine life without it and when you are without it, you keep trying to score more...

Love can kill you or bring you to life.
Like any vicious cycle, love the poison is beautiful.